I had an amazing career, and friends who became family in Red Deer. I was living more than comfortably in a condo overlooking the river, with a new vehicle parked underground. With all of that and still no fairytale feeling, I uprooted my world with the notion that rainbows and unicorns awaited just south on the QE2. I accepted a job in Calgary.
Only 3 months later, I made the decision to remove myself from what felt like an abusive relationship; I quit my job.
Luckily, I had a friend in the service industry who hired me on as a bartender immediately, and in the blink of an eye I found myself working 10 hour shifts pouring beer and mixing drinks. Frequently I would arrive home past 3am with aching arches, sore shoulders, and exhausted eyes. I'd often sit in my car for a few minutes just delaying the climb of stairs to my apartment. And in those moments I would think...
Here I am. In this sketchy little lot, where my vehicle barley fits. About to enter my million-year-old apartment building with the lingering smell of Indian food and weed. I have to let my dog outside after likely wiping up puddles off the floor. Then I need to scrounge for food in my empty cupboards, and try to fall asleep minutes after because in less than twelve hours I will be back behind the taps. And my whole...body...hurts.
Where were the smiles and sunshine? What happened to making fat paycheques and fabulous friends? Had I traded in my 5 dollar bill and been short-changed in nickels and dimes?
So you're thinking this is where my story ends, right? I'm ashamed that I left my wonderful world in Red Deer, and now have a crap life in Calgary? Hang on....
Today I learned of not one, but two tragedies that have recently devistated some old friends of mine. A mother of six lies in a coma after losing oxygen to her brain for forty minutes, with her husband left holding their six week old girl and praying for a miracle. Meanwhile, one of my best childhood friends has to face the fact that her four year old son has been diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disorder, and seems to be progressing (getting worse) each day.
My heart cries for these families, and the millions of others who I don't even know.
I...am an asshole. I am embarrassed that it took the learnings of other's misfortune to give me perspective. I am ashamed that I ever thought less of what I have. I am astonished at my own ignorance.
My life, is a GOOD life.
My family is alive and well. I have a job that pays my bills, and a place to call home. If it were the middle of October maybe I would go into detail listing all of the things I am thankful for. But it is not Thanksgiving, it is December 10th and I am not just thankful...I am aware.
I will be excited to go to work tomorrow to see friends and meet new people, I will re-arrange my furniture to play fetch with my dog indoors at 3am, and I will pull up the blinds in the morning even if I go back to bed after.
Fairytales don't exist, unicorns don't either, and you will never find happiness if you keep chasing rainbows. But if you can simply open your eyes by opening your heart, you will see what is real...
and recognize what is good.
