Let's Get This Straight!

I’ve watched Duck Dynasty.  Now, I don’t PVR it or anything wild like that, but I can’t say I haven’t found it amusing from time to time.  To be honest, I only watch it when someone else has it on the TV, and I only enjoy it because it’s simple.  Sometimes you need simplicity in order to relax, unwind, or gather a giggle.

It’s a simple show, and I don’t think it’s creators nor its network ever intended it to be complicated.  Well, shit just got real complicated!

In case you haven’t checked your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/SnapChat/LinkedIn feed today…

Phil Robertson of the reality show, Duck Dynasty was put on indefinite "hiatus" by A&E, part-owned by Walt Disney Co. for his remarks to GQ magazine characterizing homosexuality as sinful behavior.

OK. So here we go.  Freedom of speech, right?  Sure.  Of course.  Yes.  Absolutely!  Everyone on the continent of North America has the right to have their own opinion, and to SPEAK their own opinion.  Phil Robertson can hate homosexuals, he can plot the death of a person with black skin, and he can publicly shame Muslims until the ducks come home!

And he can be fired.

Please people; get one thing straight here.  This isn’t about freedom of speech.  It isn’t about religion either, so you can all stop quoting the Bible or high-fiving your Heathen brothers.

This is about business.  If the A&E network doesn’t feel it is in the best interest of their company to seemingly endorse homophobic opinions (guilty by association perhaps?), then they have the right to take action.

Let’s all settle down.  I got suspended in high school for smokin’ in the girls’ room, and it all worked out in the end.  Phil is fine.  They are all fine, and filthy rich.  And for you, their fans?  There are plenty of other “simple” shows out there.  Grab a TV Guide or the clicker.

And since this is MY blog, and I’m not being paid a damn thing to write it…

“If you are gay, I’m totally OK!” – Stephanie Platt

Square One

You know that feeling you get when you lose your phone?  Like, "Shit.  All of my contacts!  Shit.  I had so many songs on there.  Shit.  My pictures of Charlie from the day I brought him home up until now were all on there!"  You know that feeling, right?  That feeling of having to start back at square one?  At an early age we learn that starting back at square one is the pits.  It's scary, terrible, and it pretty much means the end of the world.  

So, it is with great pleasure that I bring you this newly discovered, very important aspect about "square one", that is absolutely essential to know, remember, and live:

...

Square One, is bullshit.

...

Complete bullshit.  It doesn't exist.  It's not real.  Square one is nothing more than an illusion and a myth.

I vividly remember playing Monopoly with my family as a kid.  Back then, I wasn't really sure of the rules.  I didn't know when I could buy a property, how to pay for it, or why I would even want to.  I mean, why does one little doggy need to own a whole big hotel anyway?  What I did know, was that I should try to avoid jail, and that you don't want to start all over again.  Oh, and that my sister was going to cheat.  Monopoly is a game intended to mirror life.  But that's just the thing; it is a game.  It's not real.

In reality, I don't think life works anything like a boardgame.  The rules don't really apply, and there is never a clear winner nor loser.  You can't be made to start back at square one...but why the hell would you ever want to?

The recent and devastating flooding in Calgary this June left many people feeling like they have lost everything.  I'm sure the terms "starting over" and "back to square one", were as common as the pumps and vacuum trucks occupying our city.  I don't intend to dilute the severity of what was in fact lost during the flood, but rather shed light on the intangible items that prevent "total loss" from being possible.

See, you can move to a new city and change your career a million times.  You can breakup or makeup as often as you please.  You can win a lottery or lose every penny in your savings account.  But you're never actually starting over.  No matter what "new beginning" you seek out or are forced into, your lessons, memories, and experiences gained will remain forever.  They're not always happy, or easy, or fun but these are the things that give you something to build on.  The things that can never be washed away, and certainly never lost.  Though sometimes we all feel like we've lost our minds, or have a broken heart... :) you're mind and heart are really all you need to posses.  So, please kiss the fear of "square one" goodbye.  

Maybe I should buy a property for me and my little dog.  It would be a good investment.  ...  And you know, I'll probably still avoid going to jail.  Bail sounds expensive and orange isn't my colour.  ...  Also, there is definitely something to be said about playing by the rules and frowning on the cheaters.

But I'll never have to start back at square one, because I know that "square one" doesn't exist.  And it never really did.

The Good Life

I'm embarrassed.  I'm beyond embarrassed; I'm ashamed and astonished.  I can't believe that I ever thought, even for a split second that my life is not a good life.

I had an amazing career, and friends who became family in Red Deer.  I was living more than comfortably in a condo overlooking the river, with a new vehicle parked underground.  With all of that and still no fairytale feeling, I uprooted my world with the notion that rainbows and unicorns awaited just south on the QE2.  I accepted a job in Calgary.

Only 3 months later, I made the decision to remove myself from what felt like an abusive relationship; I quit my job. 

Luckily, I had a friend in the service industry who hired me on as a bartender immediately, and in the blink of an eye I found myself working 10 hour shifts pouring beer and mixing drinks.  Frequently I would arrive home past 3am with aching arches, sore shoulders, and exhausted eyes.  I'd often sit in my car for a few minutes just delaying the climb of stairs to my apartment.  And in those moments I would think...

Here I am.  In this sketchy little lot, where my vehicle barley fits.  About to enter my million-year-old apartment building with the lingering smell of Indian food and weed.  I have to let my dog outside after likely wiping up puddles off the floor.  Then I need to scrounge for food in my empty cupboards, and try to fall asleep minutes after because in less than twelve hours I will be back behind the taps.  And my whole...body...hurts.

Where were the smiles and sunshine?  What happened to making fat paycheques and fabulous friends?  Had I traded in my 5 dollar bill and been short-changed in nickels and dimes?

So you're thinking this is where my story ends, right?  I'm ashamed that I left my wonderful world in Red Deer, and now have a crap life in Calgary?  Hang on....

Today I learned of not one, but two tragedies that have recently devistated some old friends of mine.  A mother of six lies in a coma after losing oxygen to her brain for forty minutes, with her husband left holding their six week old girl and praying for a miracle.  Meanwhile, one of my best childhood friends has to face the fact that her four year old son has been diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disorder, and seems to be progressing (getting worse) each day.

My heart cries for these families, and the millions of others who I don't even know.

I...am an asshole.  I am embarrassed that it took the learnings of other's misfortune to give me perspective.  I am ashamed that I ever thought less of what I have.  I am astonished at my own ignorance.

My life, is a GOOD life.

My family is alive and well.  I have a job that pays my bills, and a place to call home.  If it were the middle of October maybe I would go into detail listing all of the things I am thankful for.  But it is not Thanksgiving, it is December 10th and I am not just thankful...I am aware.

I will be excited to go to work tomorrow to see friends and meet new people, I will re-arrange my furniture to play fetch with my dog indoors at 3am, and I will pull up the blinds in the morning even if I go back to bed after.  

Fairytales don't exist, unicorns don't either, and you will never find happiness if you keep chasing rainbows.  But if you can simply open your eyes by opening your heart, you will see what is real...

and recognize what is good.

Break Me Off A Piece of that Kit-kat Bar - 2012 NHL Lockout

I have a friend who works for Canada Post.  He was actually my postman when I lived in Red Deer.  How cute.  I don't think he looooooves his job.  His knees are already wearing down at the age of 24, and I have literally heard dogs growling and barking when I've called him while he's on rout.  Of course with being a postman, the most interesting thing that has happened so far for my friend was a strike.  They refuse to work until the union figures their shit out and in the meantime the guy who was making a modest living struggles to make his rent.  We don't seem to pay too much attention these days when Canada Post goes on strike, but seriously how am I going to get my mail!!!?

It's September 2012.  The NFL season has started, and normally we'd be gearing up for hockey as well, but we're not.  The boys aren't heading down to camp, they're still negotiating or for most...still golfing. This is what we call a "lockout"?  The term sounds a little harsh if you ask me.  I guess I see it as an extended vacation, but then I'm reminded of the old Kit-kat campaign ("-But how do you know you're taking a break if you weren't doing anything?" - "'Cause I'm having a Kit-kat").

Why does this whole ordeal seem so ridiculous to the average Joe?  Because he isn't rich.  The average Joe doesn't care whether all the money goes to the players or to the owners, because he is lucky to gross $75,000 annually.  Joe works Monday to Friday at a job he hates, hoping to not see an e-mail from his boss over the weekend.  Average Joe just longs for his 2 weeks vacation, which will probably be wasted visiting in-laws because he can't afford a real trip.  Maybe the average Joe works for Canada Post...and maybe, he just wants to watch hockey.

And these hockey guys are fighting over a pay cut from say 2 million down to 1.5 million?  An absurd amount of money to do something that they love for 6 or 7 months of the year, and a number with enough zeros behind it to allow them a pretty lavish off-season.  I don't think any of those guys are hurting too bad from this extended vacation (lockout).  Even a 4th liner like Paul Bissonnette recently tweeted the reply, "Well how about in your next life you dedicate it to something that pays more..." only days after tweeting, "Jager race on the golf course".  Yeah, he sure is hurting.  Probably deserves an extended summer anyway for how hard he works and how many minutes he plays during the hockey season.

Here's what's really alarming...

You know what else happened this month?  The anniversary of 9/11.  Anyone know the average salary of a firefighter?  What's the longevity of their career?  Is there a risk of their whole career ending due to one accident?  Hey @BizNasty2point0, what if one of those guys dedicated their next life to something that pays more?

And all this fuss over the NHL?  Play hockey, don't play hockey.  Be rich or don't be rich.  Take an extended vacation from 'doing what you love' until you can figure it out.  Have a damn Kit-kat while you're at it, but GIVE ME A BREAK!

I'm more concerned about receiving my mail on time.

Fake Fanatics

Bobby Orr is the best hockey player of all time.  I know this because my dad says so.

I am a girl.  What I know and care about in regards to hockey, comes from how I was raised.  My dad is a REAL hockey man.  He isn't interested in memorizing stats, and he couldn't care less about placing bets.  He doesn't prance around wearing his favourite team's jersey on game days, nor does he declare his love for the game with an obnoxious mini flag stuck in the window of his truck.  But that man, actually knows hockey.  He played it...he loves it.

Tonight marked the beginning of the 2012 NHL Playoffs.  As I was preparing to cook supper, I turned the T.V. on and clicked to a hockey game.  Philly at Pittsburgh.  Sure, Sidney Crosby is cute, but I mostly just like to have a game on in the background while I do other things around the house because it reminds me of my dad.  My roommate had a man friend over for some kind of visit, and as he does have quite good manners he decided to strike up some small talk.

Dude: "Did your team make it this year?"

Me: "I don't have a team."

Dude: "Well, who do you cheer for."

Me: "I don't really cheer for anyone.  I just watch, or listen."

Dude: "I know Sydney Crosby."

Me: "I know Jesus Christ."

OK, so I didn't really say that last line, but I wanted to.  I'm confident that my statement would have had more truth to it than his.

The point isn't to tear into the poor boy mentioned above.  He is kind and innocent, and surely couldn't have been super comfortable around me.  Bless his little heart.  He simply reminded me of all the fake fanatics out there.  Please, give it up.

Offender #1: The Stats Reporter.

This is the guy who knows every number of goals, assists, games played, ect. from every player in the history of the game.  It doesn't stop there either.  He knows the injuries, the trades, and the tabloid headlines and rattles on about it all to anyone with a pulse.  Don't put it past him to know the names of player's pets.  This guy is essentially a stalker and a creep and in no way whatsoever is he a functioning part of society.  He has never played hockey, and wouldn't know how to tie a pair of skates if his life depended on it.  Unless it is specifically in your job description to know all of this crap...it is not OK.

Offender #2: The Vid Kid

He has blood shot eyes and it's likely a combo of weed and AE Sports NHL 2012.  This guy may or may not have blisters on his thumbs from mashing buttons, and definitely has a weird ring around his head from his live-gaming head set.  That hair will also be greasy, because he chooses video games over general hygiene.  To sum it up, if he talks the talk, but the only playing he does is done while sitting on one of those oddly shaped rocking chair things...he is an offender.

And finally, the most frustrating fake fanatic of all...

Offender #3: The Chick with a Stick

We all know of one.  May god have mercy on your soul if you have to deal with more than one.  This girl "Totally loves the shit out of hockey".  She claims her 'happy place' is watching the game with beer and pizza, wearing sweats and no make-up.  You will notice her nodding her head and agreeing in all conversations about hockey.  She doesn't know shit.  The reality is, this chick cares just as much about hockey as the rest of us...minimally.  She simply wants guys to think she is super cool so they will marry her, at which point she will likely give up the facade and go back to chick flicks and Arbor Mist.

Here is the truth: I take an interest in hockey because it gives me and my dad something to talk about that my mom and sister can't.  I turn a hockey game on, because I like the background noise.  I PVR Oil Change because I was once told that there was a millisecond glimps of my friend near the end.  I will go to a hockey game if the tickets are free, but I won't wear a jersey because...I'm not a fanatic.  Plus, those things don't do a damn thing for my figure.

*To my male colleagues: PLEASE take me off your mailing list for "Playoff Picks".  I'd honestly much rather receive those e-mails from Russia explaining how to collect my inheritance.

The Balancing Act

My mother always said...well, a lot of things; "one or none", "because I said so", "Danny, the garbage is full!", and "chin up", are just a few.  There is one though, that I find myself understanding more as I get older.

Such is life.

This simple statement seemingly applies to the downs in life; the days, moments, and mistakes that you need to let go of.  Realizing that not everything goes your way, and well...such is life.  Letting go is usually easier said than done, but what if in taking the good with the bad we could also learn to leave the good with the bad? 

Last week, I had a really good day.  An excellent day.  A full 24 hours on Cloud 9.  First of all, I LOVE the Christmas season.  The time of winter when cold and snow are almost enjoyable, the lights glow, hearts grow, family and friends reunite, and smiles are just more common.  I had a super satisfying day at work with the radio family that I love, and a successful meeting with an important client.  A perfect day followed up with an even better night.  Top-notch entertainment, visiting with a few of my favourite friends, and unexpected catching up that felt like a long time coming.  The next day I was left thinking, "Yes.  THAT was me.  THAT is my life.  THAT is how every day should feel!".

The problem with landing on Cloud 9 is, you can't stay there forever.  You want to, but you can't.  Just like that prime VIP parking spot at the bank...it usually has a short time limit.  You have to let it go.  AND THAT'S OK!  Life can't be awesome 24/7.  Such is life.

I spent the next few days almost dwelling on how fantastic I had felt that day.  Wishing that day hadn't ended was like wishing the current day hadn't began, and that left me feeling...NOT so fantastic.

Stephanie!  Give your head a shake! 

I had ruined that good feeling of a good day by not just letting it go!  Now, I'm not saying to deprive yourself of happiness.  Be as happy as possible as often as you can!  By all means, when things are going your way, be ecstatic!  Live it, feel it, remember it...but don't hang on to it.  The benefit?  Balance.  So when those bad days, weeks, and individual moments happen, as they inevitably will, you simply do the same: Live it, feel it, remember it...and then let it go.

Such is life.  A simple statement for sure, but I'm learning there is an undeniable power in simplicity.

Another thing my mother always says? "Please write another blog, Stephanie!"

:) Such is life!

Hurry Up and Wait

I've heard that patience is a virtue and virtue is a grace, but where do you draw the line between practicing patience and losing with laziness?  What ever happened to going after what you want...being aggressive, proactive, and persistent?   When did the early bird stop getting the worm?  Is he getting beat out by the guy who strolls in late, lights a smoke and just "patiently" waits for the worm to come to him?

I work in an industry that requires me to play a lot of the Waiting Game (which has severely contributed to my skill level in the Tetris Game, the Solitaire Game, and the Facebook Game).  My sales reps sell air time, I contact the client, and then I WAIT for the client to send me commercial info.  Some clients operate lickity split, while others are slower than molasses.  I have learned to step lightly when trying to rush a client, as they might get nervous from the pressure and decide to cancel their buy completely.  But as I sit at my desk clicking through pictures, texting on my phone, beating high scores...being patient...I literally want to SCREAM!  Don't these people know that the more time I have to write their commercial before it needs to air, the better the final product will be!?

Now, work is work.  I get paid the same amount whether I am writing or waiting, and I would surely lose my job if I started screaming at my clients.  BUT...in my personal life I am the boss, and slow and steady just isn't going to win the race.  I can't sit around and wait for things to come to me.  I mean, it's a real nice thought that if I just sit by my phone Cosmo Magazine will call up with a job offer; and if I think about a sandwich, one with appear on a plate in my hand (along side a cold glass of milk).  Does life work that way for anyone?  And how does being patient apply when it comes to guys?  How long are you supposed to wait before it's considered a waste?  I think that one is a slippery slope where patience can turn into humiliation much too easily.

In life, anything worth waiting for...is more worth going out and getting!  It just makes sense.  The early bird gets the worm because he is hungry enough to set his alarm and haul ass out of bed...I have to keep sending out my portfolio if I want to write a column...If I want a sandwich I guess I'll make one, or at very least cruise over to Subway to pick one up.  And when it come to the numerous games we all inevitably play with the opposite sex...it may not always need to be a race, but you sure aren't going to win if you stand still.  We all need a little action.

And when you absolutely MUST wait, I suggest trying this new quote that I find more realistic; "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile.".

But, whether it's computer games, or men...just make sure you can minimize or exit with a simple click of the mouse*