Last week my sister and I went on a vacation together. Now that I am home, getting some rest, and thinking back on our 4 day trip to Las Vegas...it wasn't a "vacation" at all. It was exhausting! Firstly, spending any more than 24 hours with my sister is a bit strenuous, regardless of the location. She LOVES to shop, dress up fancy, and requires more attention than Commoner Kate. Secondly, the Vegas Strip is so long that I think I put in more than enough cardio for all of 2011 in just 4 days there! After a full day of walking and shopping up and down those 5 miles on Las Vegas Boulevard, my feet were almost too swollen to stuff into my "dress up fancy" shoes. Thirdly, I have never before spent so much energy turning down men! Now before you go getting all judgmental on me thinking that I am over-confident or just erroneously flattering myself...keep reading.
On average in Vegas, every 20 square feet you will find a different man recruiting women to whichever night club he works for.
"You girls goin' out tonight?"..."Hey ladies, what club you wanna hit tonight?"..."No line, no cover, free drinks"..."Pure, Surrender, LA X, The Bank"...
With those cat-call like lures, you also hear the forever flicking of cards. These men are armed with thick stacks of "VIP cards" for each and every night club under the Vegas sky. They flick those things like they get paid per flick. Flick-flick-flick-flick-flick. As we later learned, they actually get paid per girl. If they can get your name and number to put on their VIP list, they literally get paid by you entering the club that night. The theory behind it is quite smart really. As my Asian Boss Man's wife once told me, "Where there are women...the men will follow.". If the club is busting with chicks, men will be lined up around the block. Lined up to pay the $40 cover charge and buy the $15 dollar drinks, all for the 1% chance that they might get laid. Likely better odds than they are used to back home in Rainbow Lake, Alberta.
Speaking of getting laid...Why don't all these horny dudes just grab one of the hooker cards that are also being handed out like free candy from a pervert at a playground? In Vegas the girls get offered VIP passes to clubs, and the men get offered dirty sex that they have to pay for. Since I am a female, I was never offered one of the hooker cards. I saw the people wearing shirts that said...HOT SEXY GIRLS, but they never flicked their cards at me, nor did they cat-call. I wonder what they say to the men...?
"You guys wanna put your dick in a stranger tonight?"..."Hey brotha, your wife at home right?"..."Yo! Might not even catch an STD, maybe."..."Latino, Asian, blond, red head, short, tall, fat, skinny" FLICK-FLICK-FLICK-FLICK-FLICK How do those people make their money? When a guy enters the hooker? Hookers scare me, and at the same time I just feel bad for them.
At the MGM Grand, there is an indoor lion habitat. At any given time you will find 3 lions on display in the thick glass enclosure. At first I felt bad for the lions. Then I listened to the live voice through the surrounding speakers and learned that the MGM lions in fact have quite a nice life. They live on a lovely farm just outside of Vegas and get rotated into the MGM for no more than 5 hours at a time. The habitat is sound proof and kept very clean, and the lions get to nap and feast on juicy steaks all the time! Don't you think it would be smart for one of the hotels to unveil a hooker habitat? The hookers could just relax in their well-kept enclosure. They could bathe properly, and get some rest in clean beds. They would have stripper poles instead of trees, as to feel more comfortable. They could eat healthy food, and maybe mix in some Nicorette in place of the Marlboros. Then the tourists and sightseers of Vegas could watch them up close and personal...but be completely safe on the other side of the thick glass walls! The tree-huggers would be thrilled if they knew I came up with a way to promote hookers without printing off millions of those damn flick cards!
See...my vacation truly was fatiguing. Endless miles of walking, thousands of dollars spent shopping, infinite catering to my sister, avoiding the flick cards and their over-assertive holders, and mapping out genesis hooker habitat hotel plans. I didn't need to play any slots or blackjack...making it out alive was gamble enough for me. I think my next vacation should be somewhere a bit more relaxing, calm, and low-key than the fabulous Las Vegas. When are Canadians allowed to fly to Libya again?
Ha love it. Please explain to me whymy bf and I constantly had hooker cards flicked in our faces and pretty much shoved in our hands and they didnt even bother you? Maybe they thought we wanted some company? They finally left me alone the one day when I, myself, looked like a hooker. Haha guess they didn't wanna step on anyone's toes...
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