Pick Me, Pick Me!

I know next to nothing about football.  Maybe this fact revokes my right to write on the subject.  But wait...oh that's true...this is MY blog!

The 2011 NFL draft took place a few days ago, and I have a friend who was up for grabs.  He recently wrapped up his senior year with the Nevada Wolfpack and had been putting himself through what must feel like hell, in preparation for the big day.  Conditioning like crazy, attending camps and Pro Day, downing protein like it was his job, and probably mixing in a few nighttime prayers.  It doesn't sound glamorous to me.  It sounds rough.  This guy doesn't just eat, sleep, and breath football...I'd say he makes love to it at night and serves it breakfast in bed in the morning.  100% committed.  Doing whatever it takes to get what he wants, and land the job of his dreams...knowing that the odds of any man making the NFL are bleak at best.  I'm sure that if eating grasshoppers and singing Spice Girls karaoke would increase his odds of being drafted even by .02%, you'd find him belting out Wannabe with a mouth full of bugs EVERY night at the local pub.  That's how bad he wanted it.  Still does.

Now, I'm not joking about the grasshoppers and Spice Girls...he would do it without a question, because THAT's commitment.

A commitment guy...ahhh...sounds dreamy.  Ladies LOVE to commit.  Please consider the following: 

If you know me personally, you've likely heard me say on more than one occasion "Bitches be crazy".  I don't just spout it off to be funny, I simply speak the truth.  If you're a chick out there reading this right now and are getting all offended, please stop for one moment and think...have you ever told a guy that your favorite band is Rise Against when in reality you find it hard to relate to any music that yells at you?  Haven't you ever baked a batch of cookies for a man and almost even convinced yourself that you enjoyed doing so?  Come on.  You'd be lying if you say you haven't sat though an agonizing game watching him belch and hi-five, while you cheer extra loud for his favorite team and offer to buy the next round.

Let's not forget all the secret stuff too that guys don't even see or hear or smell you doing.  The stuff we want him to think is natural, which makes us more desirable/date-able.  Bra stuffing, Spanx wearing, make-up caking, eyebrow plucking, hair straightening, LEG SHAVING!  I once shaved my legs 10 days in a row for a guy.  Did I really think he was going to want to be my boyfriend simply because of my smooth skin?  Ever farted in front of a guy you want to date?  No?  Holding it in doesn't hurt at all, right?  Yeah, I'm going here.  I have a friend who went on a 14 day tropical get-a-way with her new beau, where they shared the most beautiful hotel room...with NO door to the bathroom.  She spent the ENTIRE vacation making up excuses, sneaking around, and running to the lobby to take care of business, just so he wouldn't know she was human.  Now THAT's commitment.  By the time they were boarding the plane to come home, he was probably wondering if she was some kind of spy or secret agent for the FBI.

We do it all with the hope that it'll increase our chances of a relationship by at least .02%.  Personally I've yet to see any of it work, but women will continue to commit to such wild practices until they can get the guy to commit to them.  It's like the draft is here, and we're all screaming "Pick me - pick me!", and doing whatever it takes to show off our amazing skills and feature attributes.  Commitment can make a person do absurd things.  Chomping grasshoppers and soloing Spice Girls to make the NFL wouldn't really be a big deal now would it?  Nope.  It's the NFL after all.  But for a relationship, one that does NOT even pay a signing bonus...BITCHES.BE.CRAZY.

I can only imagine the circus acts performed when a chick is trying to snag a guy who is preparing for any sports related draft.